Locating your Authentic Self is an important step towards relational intimacy. It is impossible to experience deep sustaining love if you are hiding behind a role. In life we misplace our true identity behind labels and ideas that obscure the person we really are. Removing the layers of pretense and fear driven identity can be an intimidating undertaking. Only through authenticity can you find freedom, joy and true love.
Fake identities manifest through fear, loneliness and a need to please, protect or be accepted. These labels come from parents, siblings, society, educational titles, or they may be self-applied. Labels start small but they quickly take on a life of their own, crippling their host’s ability to live authentically in the process. False identity states: I am not a whole person until you know this fact about me. Or, I wouldn’t be good enough for this moment if you knew the real me.
My most destructive false identity came with childhood. I was told that I was, drifty, irrational, difficult, bossy, too sensitive and controlling. These labels grew into, Bitch and finally Crazy Bitch, a title I took to with zeal. I wore it like battle armor, ready to shred my life and my family. Being Crazy Bitch, offered me a way to escape the permanent victim hood I was raised in.
When my husband first asked me out I said, “You don’t want to date me, I’m crazy.” Was this my truth? At the time I thought it was. After years of being labeled, of rebelling, and of being labeled again, I developed an identity that said I was crazy, untrustworthy and mercenary. He looked into my eyes and said, “You’re not crazy.” I remember how sad I felt for him. I knew that at some point I would shred him, break him, hurt him the way I had my family. I overcame my destructive false identity and have a healthy authentic marriage because of his love, trust and support.
In my book Magdalena’s Shadow, I introduce my audience to Coco, a girl who struggles with finding her true identity. Her story begins under the labels: idiot, unlovable and crazy. As the story progresses her labels grow to encompass: model, single mother and whore. Coco could succumb to these labels but like so many of us she strives to overcome the labels she was branded with. Guided by a strict code of personal integrity, Coco begins a compelling search for personal freedom, self-worth and lasting love.
Freedom is yours when you rise above unwanted roles and other people’s beliefs about what you should be. Sit down and list out the roles which you identify with and ask yourself, “how does this role make me feel?” Question, “who would I be if I didn’t believe this about myself?” Listen carefully to your heart’s answers. Be still with your authentic self. Take time to bond with the feeling of just being you, even if only for a moment. Stripping away the layers of false self can feel scary. It helps to understand that the false self has no integrity, is incapable of lasting love and lives wholly outside of intimacy because intimacy cannot be achieved in the presence of a lie.
6 thoughts on “Locating your Authentic Self”
It is clear that you have a deep understanding of the roles we all plaly and where they really come from. It is interesting how we all accept roles and manipulations to help mould who we really aren’t. We have all given up so much to be who someone else sees. I give this one 5 stars.
I love your transparency and the gracious way you have of sharing your life. I think being our true selves takes incredible courage and am always in awe of people who have chosen to be..courageous.
Authenticity is a powerful thing and often intimidates those who are not.
Thanks again for being one of the powerful and courageous.
Excellent blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew
of any community forums that cover the same topics talked
about in this article? I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get comments from other experienced individuals that share the same interest.
If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Thanks a lot!
Thank you for contacting me. In order to find our Authentic self we have to dig past many layers of labels and outdated beliefs that no longer serve us. I highly suggest writing down beliefs you have about yourself and then asking yourself if they’re really true? I would also suggest joining a Meditation and yoga center. You can be any religion and still join. I’m a Christian and I meditate with people from every type of belief structure. “Know They Self” is a the basis for awakening and the foundation of many of the worlds religions. I meditate daily. I watch my thoughts pass by and slowly I remember who I was, who I am and what I value in life. Blessings, EEOrme
It’s going to be finish of mine day, but before ending I
am reading this fantastic piece of writing to improve my knowledge.
I’m so glad you like it. Blessings,