The Death of the Guru

prayer

We’re all searching for something. We’re all looking for the divine answer that leads to the divine escape from chaos, fear, heartache and loneliness. Whether we look for it in relationship, a bottle or a church we are seeking to be more, to be better, to but understood and accepted. When I was twelve I turned to Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. as my examples of peace. I desperately needed peace in my life, the kind of peace they seemed to embody. At twelve I realized how fully capable I was of violence. At fourteen I became a pacifist in theory if not in reality and I began my slow arduous journey towards a sustainable, compassion based existence. I began identifying and rooting out the evils in my life. First I moved away from home, taking my horse and staying with friends for months on end. At 22 I escaped completely and hardly looked back. By 23 I was married and safe but the hell in my head made a hell of my life. I continued my search for escape until the day I realized that wherever I went…there I was…with all my chaos in tow. I could not escape my problems because I never let them go.

Throughout my many years of searching for truth and forgivness I’ve come to one solid understanding: There is no single person who can fix me. There are thousands of people who insisted that if I just read their books, take their supplements, follow their philosophy or join their ashram I will find the inner peace I am searching for. I’ve had Christians tell me to placed my faith in Jesus and be free of darkness. I’ve had yoga masters promise me that through daily practice with their “Masters” I’ll be liberated, transformed and healed. Doctors have prescribed drugs, supplements and diets to clear my energy body, detox my cells and raise my energy vibrations. Acupuncturists have pocked me with needles, read my auras and told me that with a few more treatments my Chakras would come into balance.

I’ve spent thousands of dollars on healing, thousands of hours drinking bitter health teas, popping pills, stretching, praying, meditating only to rise the next morning the same angry person I’d been the night before. So what was the answer? On the eve of my 38th birthday the only thing I am certain of is that I am the only one who can fix me. My belief in the abilities of sage healers is dead. I will never again look to a “healer” for guidance. I have killed the idea of the guru because the wise man is just another person getting through the day. I recently watched the documentary Kumare’ by Vikram Gandhi which verified everything I have come to believe. Only through daily practice of that which feels good, feels right, and serves my highest good will I ever find peace. The ability to heal is within all of us; it’s just a matter of taking time away from social chaos, duty and convention in order to find the small simplicities that lead us into peace. So I meditate, I walk my dog, I stretch, I self-medicate when hell rains down and I pray to God to remove my anger, to help me forgive and to make me a better person. I practice everyday gratitude and I live and love as if each day were my last. If I tell you I love you I mean it. If I love you it’s because I see the light in you, the sparkle God put there and I’m grateful you’re in my life. We are our own wise men, our own holy men, and we hold the keys to our own salvation through love of God and love of each other, tranquility of sprit and the solemn acceptance that we are human: flawed, beautiful, unique and fragile.

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7 thoughts on “The Death of the Guru

  1. I feel you have found the answer grasshopper. I would love to tell how much I honor you and your talent. I consider you a dear friend. Thank you for sharing.

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    • Thank you for reading this. Your suppor as allways means a lot to me. I hesitated to publish this but I’m glad I did. Have a good night my friend and I’ll see you next Tuesday.

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  2. This is a wonderful article and I’m very glad you shared it with the world. Our own inner truth is the way. I’ve been on a similar search as you and have come to the same conclusion. When I look to the outside now, its only to verify that my own inner work is making my outer world the place I want to be. I see the “second coming” as us and not some outside force or as others put it: we are the ones we’ve been waiting for and though I have issues to work out, I have faith that this inner knowing gets stronger everyday. Thank you again for your honesty and brevity in this article.

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    • And thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree. We are the second coming. We are the awakened ones because we have enough introspection to question, pause and reflect before we act. This is the way to peace, to equality and universal prosperity. So no matter how bad we feel at times, we have the tools to make our lives better. Bless you and thanks for reading.

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  3. redconfetti says:

    Thank you for this article. I’d warn readers to not disregard help along your path, but to take from your experience the advice that you should trust yourself first and foremost, trust your gut, trust your heart, and don’t work against yourself ever following the advice of any ‘guru’.

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    • I’m glad you enjoyed the article. We all need help in life that is true. I’m a huge supporter of healing in a loving relationship and/or supportive community. What I’m weary of is false prophets selling enlightenment and quick fixes to age old dilemmas. I’ll review the article and see if I can’t slip your suggestion in. Help is a necessary component of existence. Thank you for your words and feel free to follow. I’d love your feedback in future.

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