Spare me your small lies and subtle subterfuge laced in fake smiles and soft excuses.
Spare me the white lies that are little drops of shit rolled in sugar.
I held you when you were frightened, your tears and snot soaking my shirt because you were a child again, lost, frightened and real.
You once asked me what I valued most and I said, “Honesty” with firm and instant conviction.
I would rather have you swear in my face than lie to me with a smile.
I don’t know where our honesty went or when you decided that I was not worth being real with, sincere with, our honesty sliding from soulful communication to this sickening game of “happy.”
What is “happy” that it should supplant authenticity, reality and truth?
I don’t wear “happy” like a badge to hide my humanity.
I don’t wear “happy” to hide the reality that shit happens.
I don’t wear “happy” as a shield that screams, “I’m good with God so please don’t notice the chinks in my faith.”
I’ve seen your soul; I’ve seen it shine in real joy, glimmer in the light of real laughter, letting authentic “happy” shimmer like jubilant fire flies around you.
I’ve seen you shine and called you “sunshine,” so bright was your funny that just being near you made me “happy.”
Wag your tail sister, it was made to wag.
Let’s be real again, authentic and honest.
I miss your sparkle.
4 thoughts on “Sister Sincerity”
This is powerful and ackingly true.
Achingly true is right. When we stop being honest with our feelings and emotions we lose deep conversation in polite chit chat. The elephant in the room lurks freely when authenticity is killed for proprieties sake. Never had that problem with you though. 🙂 Let me know if you have time to catch up. I’ve missed you.
I am so excited that you shared the link to this blog on LinkedIn! You are such an amazing writer! This blog made me think of two friends that I have that are sisters. They love each other so much. They even nursed each others babies. They are incredibly honest with each other. Sometimes that means that they hang up on each other during a phone call, but they are back on the phone within minutes apologizing and moving forward. I admire that so much because it is sorely lacking in the relationship I have with my sister. (Realistically, I have no relationship with my sister right now.)
I hope you are well! I miss our visits!
I miss you too. I’m so glad you liked the piece. I constantly feel like I’m searching for honesty in my relationships and when it suddenly disappears it really breaks my heart. I’m so glad you know those two sisters. Friends make the best family. Love to Idaho,