Our individual human stories don’t have a beginning or an end because there is no birth or death there is just transition. We are perpetual spirit beings having a very human experience. Sometimes it’s terrifying to be alive and sometimes it’s a blessing. The important thing is to gather the lesson in the moment and move on. I write about a lot of spirituality and psychology because I’m trying to understand myself and my journey. I do not know what I will write about when I sit down to write. I simply begin to write and a topic appears or a pain presents itself and the blog piece manifests.
When I incarnated on earth my first emotion was the emotion of WHY? Why had I chosen again to be born on this planet, into a body, and know suffering. I carried why with me for many decades until I learned that I’m here with all of you to dig for the gold in the shit. Why did my son get sick? To learn compassion for other children with disabilities. Why was I gifted with a mentally ill parent? So, I could learn the lesson of what a parent should not be and turn towards learning what a parent could be. This doesn’t mean I got it right. Also, why are most all my friends trauma survivors? Why do we live in a patriarchy that still sees women as possessions? Why do we keep going everyday? There are a billion injustices occurring every moment across this plane of existence and only the person experiencing the pain will have the opportunity to learn the lesson.
I dig deep into my trauma because stuffing it down, as I’ve written before, only makes it pop up at inopportune times like when I finished registering for college three days ago and my, “You’re a dumb-shit,” trauma popped up and bitch slapped me in seven different directions. With it came memories of my childhood so painful that I still can’t believe I wrote them down and posted them. Yep, it’s still up there. I can’t justify vomiting my shit onto this blog and I would like to apologize but life doesn’t apologize, the people who beat us and molest us did not apologize, the bullies who shamed and ridiculed us away from living our best lives did not apologize so neither will I.
I opened this blog by saying we are perpetual spirit beings having a very human experience and that there is no beginning and no end. I said this because I know I’m spirit in a meat-suit interacting with other spirits in meat-suits and when my meat-suit dies, I will take my lessons, good and bad, process them in my life review and find my conclusions. After I have found my conclusions, I will probably want to come back again because life is addictive and there is just something about getting back up when I’ve been knocked down that I just can’t resist. Life will knock you down, it will also celebrate you with cake and good friends and family. It will show you sunsets you will never forget and it will also make you feel like a dumb-shit that has no reason to still be alive.
So do your shadow work, sift through the experience and find the lesson, let your tests become your testimonies of how you survived what you experienced. Find common humanity and compassion, and forgive everyone and yourself.
I love you. I’m tired. I’m learning as I go.