The Gift of Deficit

Photo by Jeremy Bishop on

Poverty, loveless living, not belonging, isolation, empty roles that don’t feed your soul. These are all conditions that bring us to the fork in the existential road of life. This fork asks, “do you want to dwell in grief, self-pity, depression, and self-hatred or do you want to seek a higher path of independence, love, belonging, community and fulfillment?”

Throughout my life I have been faced with various deficits, whether it was asking for hugs from family members who didn’t love me or understand me or asking for kindness and connection from the one person who had sworn before God to love, honor, and cherish me. I have born deficit. I have felt its ache in my chest, I have known the heartbreak of throwing my love into a bottomless well, and I have chosen grief, depression, and despair for far too many years.

Suffering is not a state of agony, it is a question asked of each one of us. “Do you want to suffer or do you want to surrender the suffering and be free.” Suffering is inevitable but deficit is a choice made when you hold onto how you think things should be. Suffering sets you at the fork in the road and says, “Suffer this deficit or surrender it, it’s always your choice.” When you suffer you fall into the attachment, clinging onto what was and what wasn’t with so much zeal that you let our life flash by while your body become ill, and you forget how to live.

In surrender you move into acceptance and the reality that this too shall pass. you also realize that you have the power in your life to overcome the pain of deficit by creating plenty. This is the part of deficit that leads you to God, the great I Am presence that holds you in the highest light even when you are hiding in your own self-perpetuated shadow. When you step into alignment with the I AM you are free to surrender your suffering, reverse your deficits, and find what you have been longing for. As Yashua said, When we ask it is given, What we seek, we find, and When we knock, all doors are open. When you identify a deficit in your life give it to God, surrender to the reality that you have been suffering needlessly, and ask for your deficit to be reversed. The thing your heart sought is yours now, it always has been, you only needed to surrender and ask.


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