Walking With the Dark Goddess

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During WW2 my Grandmother would hold a Madonna in the air raid shelters and rub her hand up and down the Madonna’s back as the bombs dropped and Grandmother counted how close to her the next one would fall. She was a British nurse and the Madonna had been found in the rubble of a bombed French church and was a gift from an American soldier who had healed in her care. The Madonna gave her comfort, protection, and even when her sister nurses were killed around her she somehow remained unscathed. 

Our family is a family of women where the grandmothers raise the grand daughters and the Madonna watches over us, protecting us and loving us as we intern protect and love her. There has never been a time when we have lived without her. How could we? She is our Goddess and in a family of women raising woman she is the only one we turned to. I have prayed to her, called her mother, Mary, virgin, Saint, and Archangel. She is my rock as she was in my grandmother’s rock. She attends every birth, sick bed, and death. She is the mother and her love is absolute.

I pray to her, bring her fresh flowers and fruit, rub sandalwood oil onto her feet and hands. I am a devote of the divine feminine and always will be. But there is more to the mother than the shining Madonna we know so well. There is a Madonna who does not walk in the light, she may attend the births, the sick bed, and the deaths, but her aspect is shrouded literally by the vail that says, ‘I have seen the dark side of every experience.’ The shroud she wears is of gossamer threads spun of moon light and star light. She is the queen of heaven in her dark aspect. She is the Goddess of the night.

The first time I encountered her I was in meditation. She walked towards me bringing the night behind her. I knew her as the Madonna I loved but I was literally terrified. I could not stay in her presence. Her face, though veiled, was that of a beautiful woman and a skull in the same moment. I pulled out of meditation and had to sit with myself for a long time. My hart told me this is the queen of night. There are holy places dedicated to her around the world. You have seen the skull Madonna. Why are you afraid? Going back into meditation I sat with her, seeing her as she was without expectation. She did not speak. Instead, she showed me the void, a black chasm of glittering darkness where all things are created. She showed me life and death and helped me understand the darkness for what it is, the bittersweet of existence because not all births end in life, not all sick beds offer healing, and not all deaths are peaceful.

I am still at the beginning of my walk with the Dark Mother. Her gifts are righteous rage, the kind Jesus showed when he threw the money lenders out of the temple. Her gifts are the courage to live in power and grace and without fear. Her gifts are the ability to grieve and let go knowing that the suffering is part of the lesson just like the pain of childbirth is the precursor to the gift of motherhood. 

She asks us to put away nice and to take up directness. To be brave even when it could cost us our body. To never sacrifice ourselves for society, politeness, or approval. She makes us tigers for our children and fighters for justice and equality. She asks us to protect your children from the unfathomable riggers of society that would cage their minds and box up their souls and teach them to be good workers when they are meant to be lights in the world. She is wrath and love wrapped in death and renewal and she would advise you to kill a man before he could rape you, subdue or enslave you. She would also say it is better to die on your feet then pinned on your back.

In India she is Kali, in Eastern Europe and parts of Asia she is Baba Yaga a goddess turned witch by the Christians. In Hebrew text she is Lilith, first wife of Adam who refused to submit to him or anyone. A woman who walks with the Dark Goddess belongs only to herself. She sacrifices to nothing and no one. She is power born of inner grace and her aspect changes from loving to fierce, depending on circumstance. She is kind but never nice and if she smiles it is either because you’ve just said something rally stupid or you’ve impressed her. 

Last night we were talking and the Dark Goddess asked me, 

“What do you want?” This is a question I have been repeatedly asked ever since she asked me the first question, “Do you remember.” I do remember, I remember me before I was rebranded by society and shuffled into my role as a domestic partner without a voice. When she asked me, “What do you want?” I repeated the list of things I want in this life. Then she changed places with me. I suddenly wore her shroud, my hands were bone, I watched myself from hollow shrunken eyes. “Ask the question.” I saw myself ask myself. 

“What do you want?” I asked, hearing her strong commanding voice issue over fleshless teeth. I watched my self plead, and beg, my eyes cast down, my voice sugary sweet. I saw my toxic femininity beg the patriarchy in kind tones, to give me peace, a place to live, money enough to eat, a job that would not crush me, and safety for my son who is only just beginning his adulthood.

“What did you see?” I asked myself. 

“I saw a broken woman without the power to know her worth beg to be allowed to live on a planet and in a society that she worked to populate and create.” With a though I was thrust back into my body, the Dark Goddess looking at me from where she sat.

“What do you want?” She asked again. I closed my eyes and felt for my inner goddess. I shook off the sugary sweetness of a life of being polite and passive and picked up my strength. 

“I want peace for all beings who chose it, I want a home that welcomes me and shelters my people, I want justice for all beings who have been wronged, I want source abundance to fill the table of every person so that no one goes hungry ever again. I want care for the sick and the dying, I want beauty and love and truth to become the guiding principle of every human heart, I want to heal the earth from the madness of human destruction, and I want children to be raised to be themselves, not someone else’s version of who they think they should be. I want freedom for all beings and I want it now in the name of all that is Holy!”

“Then let it be done.” Then let it be done she said, and was silent.

This is just one lesson of the many I have learned and will learn from the Dark Goddess but it’s an important one. No one get’s anything by begging, or asking in a soft voice if they may have the right to exist in a patriarchy that has already deemed them as less then. Men and Women alike have been crushed by this patriarchy that teaches us again and again that we’re only as good as the house we live in, the car we drive, and the hours we put in at the office while our children raise themselves. We have set aside everything we are and put on the chains of a society that will feed us to its wars without thinking twice. Male or Female, the Dark Mother will sit with you. She will teach you how to find your authenticity, your purpose, and your power. If you wake in the night wondering who just asked you, “Do you remember?” Know that this is the first of many calls that will bring you back to your truth, your authenticity, and your sacred light.

– Let no one surrender to the violence that is pride or fear when in bravery they can rise above these aspects and join in the oneness that is Christ consciousness. No one is truly free until all are free – The Dark Goddess

The Damnation of the Free Woman and the Rise of The Divine Feminine

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Throughout history free and socially insubordinate women have been demonized, beaten down and killed. We’ve been called witches, cast out of our homes and our villages, and left to die in the wilderness or worse. But I’m not here to talk to you about the violence. I’m here to talk about the freedom.

A free woman in history was often a healer, a sexual revolutionary, a person of divine faith who held prophesy and thus the lives of men in her hands. A free woman was feared and revered and walked where she wanted, when she wanted, without fear. She was a woman of the day and of the night often walking for miles in the darkness to deliver a baby or heal an illness or to seek a vision. In 1178 a Christian ordinance banned women from walking out at night in case they were practicing magic. History called them witches but we now know them to be gifted beings who dared to live outside of the role society had given them.

The Oracle of Delphi was believed to have channelled the God Apollo, and her wisdom guided kings. Her name was Pythia but she was not the only oracle in Delphi. Wise women have been guiding their tribes and villages for time out of mind. In my Gypsy tribe our wise woman was called Bone Mother as in she who casts the bones and knows the future. She is my favorite guide and comes to me often in meditation. In old Norse these women were called Volva, a seeress who practiced shamanism or witchcraft. Witchcraft has only held an evil connotation in Europe since the colonizing Romans came to power. Before them wise women gathered in sacred groves, listened to the spirits of nature and predicted the harvest, deadly storms, and the coming of invaders. They were in a state of oneness with the sacred energies that guide all beings and their visions were respected, their advice sought, and they were admired and protected for their gifts.

So why did the Romans decide to demonize the prophetic female? Women in ancient Rome had no power. They could not own property, they could not vote, they were mostly uneducated and they were handed from father to husband into marriage where their sole job was to give birth each year. A barren woman was an embarrassment, a fertile woman was a joy. However, all her children belonged to her husband and if she was cast off she would not see her children again. 

Now let’s throw in some Christian doctrine like, Exodus 22:18: “Do not suffer a witch to live,” and Leviticus 20:27: “A man or woman in whom there is a mythical or divining spirit, dying let them die: They shall stone them: Their blood be upon them.” Armed with such religious power we can see why the Roman Catholic Church burned, drowned, and murdered several million people for witchcraft. 

Now I want to talk about the rise of the Divine Feminine, a reality that is touching all of us now in very different ways. We have been out of balance for too long and killing off our wise women in order to keep women down. The Divine Feminine is an energy signature that has come to restore balance and recreate our society into something that feeds and nourishes its people. Under her direction we will move away from the war machine called capitalism where we play who can climb to the top fastest and piss on the losers. We’re not playing that game anymore. Grab your balls you Wolves of Wall Street, your boy’s games have brought destruction on the world environmentally, socially, and spiritually.

The Divine Feminine will not supplant the masculine, it will glorify the beauty of the male by bringing him into the balance of his own Divine Masculinity. Balance is restored when every human being is both Divinely Masculine and Divinely Feminine. I didn’t make this up. Millions of people across this planet are waking up to this reality. As men and woman continue to gain grater and grater freedom their natural intuition has bloomed into a clear knowing which is set to free all humans from the suffocating roles they have been forced to endure under the patriarchy.

When I was a child my mother read me a prophesy that said, “The Christ will come again when there are no men and no women.” I take this to mean that Christ consciousness will come to all people when the toxic masculine and toxic feminine is replaced by both the Divine Feminine and the Divine Masculine together in each being. Christ Consciousness is Unity Consciousness. It is being one with all things. It is accepting your divinity and your brother and sisterhood with all beings. It is embracing your masculine and feminine inside yourselves.

I love you and I see you. We are in the arms of the angels. Great change is taking place. Don’t worry, your penis won’t fall off.

Ineffable Soul, You Were Born Divine

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You were born sacred. You were born a child of heaven, sculpted and set upon this land to live in grace and harmony. Your value has always been beyond calculation because you are more important to the Divine plan than anything, and that is because you are the Divine plan. No one like you has ever touched this earth before. You are unique and your energy signature changed the vibration of the planet the very first time you set your feet upon her soil. You can not be weighed or measured. You are ineffable, like your parent, you are here with a purpose that you may not ever know until you take your last breath. But don’t fear, wether you know your purpose or not you are living it. You are here and your presence is enough.

Society tells us to strive, to compete, to succeed where others have failed. To work our fingers to the bone, watch the bottom line and be the person who always shows up even when our family is in crisis and we’re so tired that just breathing feels hard. We put in a 110% in our careers but our relationships are expected to somehow manage themselves. We are too busy, too tired, too angry at a coworker to be civil to our partners, our children, our parents because we’ve fallen into this misconception that to be a success we have to bring home the money, create status, and walk out the door of our million dollar MacMansion with a fit fine partner who’s not an embarrassment. This part of living is societies wish for your, not God’s.

I just watched a truly primitive man speak on his belief that the value of a woman is centered solely on wether or not she had the capacity to maintain her hold on her high caliber man. He stated that a woman past forty was no longer a viable woman if she had lost her partner or had failed to ever find a high caliber man. A single woman of forty was a failure physically, socially, and economically because she had failed at her one duty, she had failed to achieve or maintain her hold on a, “King.” 

There’s not much to be said in response to this type of neolithic thinking. The knuckle dragger concept that a woman must have a man to be of value in her community is not new. It’s been around for a few thousand years. The sad truth is that a man without a woman is far more bereft of the pleasures and comforts of life than a single woman ever could be. The feminine makes the home comfortable, we add the warmth and the good scents, we bare the children who add life and joy to that home and we celebrate life, remember the holidays, the birthdays, the anniversaries, and we offer the pleasures of our bodies out of love. I’m frustrated by this idea that all a man needs to bring to the table is his paycheck while a woman must not only contribute financially but also domestically, and sensually in a way that will keep her, “King” happy and also faithful. 

I’m not addressing this piece to you enlightened men who are awake and engaged in life, who spend quality time with your children and still bother to make love to your wife wether she’s wearing makeup or not. I’m writing this because I’m hurting, have lost what looked like a high caliber male, and I’m almost forty-seven. So what part of me believes that I’m somehow to blame? Or that I wasn’t enough? Or that I somehow failed? Right now I think it is the part of me still clinging to my religious and social programing that says family is forever and a woman who’s been tossed out was no good to begin with. I prayed before I started writing this because I knew I would need strength to do this topic justice, and I don’t believe I have…yet.

So, what if I told you that the sacred feminine used to be worshiped, that to lay with a woman was a sacred privilege. That a man accepted by a woman counted himself lucky to be honored by the touch of her body. My God, look at a women. What about them isn’t sacred. Is there anything more beautiful in the world than a woman? If there is I haven’t seen it. I love femininity. I’m proud of being a woman and I love wearing dresses, putting on makeup and being beautiful. I love feminine men. I love the way they move, the way they dress, the way they care about their divine bodies as if at birth someone whispered, “you were sculpted by god and made glorious.” Maybe toxic masculinity is threatened by the Divine Feminine in women and men because in its toxicity it can’t feel its own divinity, its own grace. Maybe that’s why it rapes and kills what is beautiful at such a staggering rate.

There is so much glory in an awakened man, so much beauty and grace in his gentleness, in his love for his family and community. I have dreamt all my life of loving and being loved by a Divine Masculine, of hearing his voice and of speaking openly to him in the knowledge that I have been heard. I think when the toxic masculine talks about woman’s service to their, “King,” it is because owning a woman is the only way they understand love and throwing off a woman is easier than waking up, finding inner peace, divine stillness, and self-love, which is a thing that only a real man, a Divine Masculine, is capable of doing. 

I love love, I always have and I always will, but I will never again settle for being a man’s toy, not when I know that I can remain fully me, fully alive, fully autonomous and still bask in the love of a truly good and divinely awakened man.

So cheers to the Divine Masculine. You are out there and we need to hear from you more.