God in a Nutshell…As If!

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I talk a lot about God here. I talk about God because I am a drowning woman holding onto the only hand that has ever reached down and pulled me up. I talk about God because God sent me angels in a home where I was beaten, in a home where I was traumatized, in a home where I was only worth my silence and my servitude.

My first angel wore a blue polka dot dress and a smile that filled me with God light. I was too small to walk so I would crawl up that long flight of hardwood stairs and knock on the upstairs apartment door. One knock and she was there, her elderly face glowing with light, her 50’s era clothes and hair rocking along with her bright red lipstick. I called her Grandma, and she called me hers, raining down such love like I’d never known in human form. And when my mama called and I turned my head to listen, the door would close and Grandma would slip away. I was seven when I understood no one lived in the upstairs apartment when I was small.

I held onto Grandma’s sunshine, her strength, her understanding, her ability to pour love into me. Her residual love kept me going, its purity, its brightness filling my heart when nothing else did. She was my first angel but not my last. God sent me more angels though I didn’t know them as anything but good humans in later years.

God is to the drowning what freedom is to the prisoner, what healing is to the broken, what home is to the destitute. God has no religion but billions of children each precious and loved and held though few are awake enough to feel the support that is all around them. I have needed God all my life. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t ask God to take me home, to set me free, to hold me close so I can remember what it is to rest again in absolute love. But I must wait, am told to be strong, am told that I have a purpose, that I chose this life. So, I listen and work and pray that each day will be a day I can bare.

When I was six, I asked my mother what suicide was. She told me. I asked her, “why doesn’t everyone do it?” I wasn’t born broken but I was born remembering happiness, unconditional love, joy beyond words, and the weightless bliss of belonging. None of those feelings have happened here so I must wait out this life and live it with disciplined purpose and grace for now.

I talk a lot about God because to exclude the one who made all things would be to break the covenant that keeps me in my body. I am here because I and God agreed that there was work to be done. I am still here because I and God love the earth. I am still here because, in some way, I know that my presence on this earth is important. And so is yours my brother, my sister. We live in an incredible time of change where so much is possible.

So, I ask you not for the last time to dig deep, love unconditionally, pray for guidance, listen in your stillness to the whispers of your heart, and come to know the I AM presence that loves you so much it will never let you fail. You are held. You are loved. You have purpose even if you don’t see it. You are love poured into form.

I love you. God loves you. All is as it should be no matter how much it hurts. For some insane reason we’ve got this.

The Dance Between Light and Dark: In Theory

Dance between light and darkThere exists in all of us a potential for light or dark action. All action is energy flowing in reaction to the catalysts that drives us forward in our lives. The question is, do our actions and reactions embrace a light and higher motive or a dark base motive. When a horn honks do we go into rage or do we chose peace, change lanes and avoid the dark hostility that rages behind us. In every moment of everyday we have the opportunity to embrace light and dark choices. Do we confront, argue and fight or do we free, release, and forgive those who would trigger us into likeminded darkness.

Rage, hostility, pain, anger, self-harm and regret are all members of a dark emotional family which feed on one another and anyone who crosses their path. Take one step into anger and you are inches away from pain and regret. Take one step towards forgiveness and you are on your way to healing and joy. As one emotional family sucks you dry another lifts you up and frees you to move forward in life. It’s all a matter of which one you choose.

How do we identify which is the light choice and which is the dark. Light will always feel light in our heart and darkness will always feel heavy like a rock in the stomach. In light action the Ego says little. In dark action the ego says many things. It condemns our failings, our humanity and everything and everyone who crosses our path. When the ego is empowered there is no room for love, friendship and peace because it craves material gain, power and isolation of the individual it haunts.

The ego is darkness in flesh and it prowls around our souls waiting for a bad day, a disappointment, for something to regret. Power is corrupting and the ego loves power, profit is bottomless and the ego will never let you know contentment. Isolation makes you independent of love, of nourishment, of physical touch and the ego loves isolation; for a solitary mind is easily preyed upon. Isolation leads to the end of relationship, the end of love, of communication and of healing. We heal in love, we are understood in communication and we are in love when our energies stream and pour from one heart into another. In love and joy, the ego cannot thrive.

When darkness has won and a soul is lost in self-loathing, addiction and self-harm that soul slips into a darkness so heavy that the light cannot be seen or felt. In reality the light never leaves us. It is all around us asking to be heard, seeking to be seen and loving us whether we know it or not. None of us is ever so lost, fallen or sinful that we cannot be redeemed. Free will has the power to open our eyes to the brightness of a new day, a new life and a new way of living. Every moment of every day we are given the opportunity to forgive, to be forgiven, to be of service, to be of god, to be of hope and light on his earth.

If you’ve fire walked you’ve felt the flames, if you’ve fallen you’ve felt the stones and know how they bruise. We’ve all fallen, we’ve all known pain and we’ve all been given the opportunity and support to rise again and be reborn in a love greater than any we’ve ever known.

Let the white light of the Universe
enfold, protect me
and bathe me in its healing love.
Let this journey be a tool
to bring peace of mind,
love, joy and kindness back to my life.
Cleanse my soul of hurt and bitterness,
resentment, vengeful and judgmental thinking.
Give me balance and serenity
to face each trial with faith,
an open mind, love and kindness.
When I get lost, let the sun shine down
white light to show me the way back
to the path of Love.

A Prayer By Susan H.

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