Baby, is This Heaven or is This Hell?

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My family passed down the statement that this earth experience is Hell, and that Heaven only happens when we die. They repeated this and experienced suffering generation after generation. I’m the family story keeper. I know how everyone’s lives went. They honestly created Hell for themselves through this belief. Jesus, on the other hand said, “The Kingdom of Heaven is within us.”  I’m going to go with Jesus. And Jesus is dope so let’s stick with him.

As you know I am not religious, but I do embrace all pursuits of God as beautiful. Jesus is a superstar in my pantheon of divine beings who came to Earth to help guide us out of the darkness. In point of fact, he preached forgiveness instead of retribution, unity and oneness instead of division, and yes, he did teach Heaven on Earth. So here we go.

It’s not that hard really. First forget all you’ve been taught about God except the love, miracles, and answered prayers part. Become empty and open to this new perspective. Start praying each day. I begin my mornings with, “Thank you Mother/Father God for my life, thank you for my body, thank you for my son, thank you for my home, thank you for loving me and showing me the way. I love you and I ask that you watch over and shield my son and I today and always.” After your prayer time, sit in surrender every morning and meditate. Start with a YouTube guided meditation to help you but once you get the hang of stillness just wait in the quiet and listen. They say prayer is talking to God and Meditation is listening. Sometimes in meditation I ask questions and get messages that change my life. I get clarity of purpose, messages from crossed over loved ones, and insights into little actions that need to be taken to secure my current position. Mostly I become a child again and run to God to be held.

The next stage in creating heaven on Earth is watching the words you think, feel, and say. Listen to your inner and outer dialogue and the emotions that course through your body when you hear something new. Ex: You’re tired when you get home. You walk the dog, kiss the kids, change into your house clothes and then realize you must help your oldest write an essay on Ronald Regan all while cooking dinner. Ok, here’s the test. Do you go into an inner sulk of why me? Do you affirm to yourself that life is shit and Ronald is ruining yet another day from beyond the grave, do you feel a sense of silent resentment against your family, or do you take a breath, notice that your oldest is tired too and ask when the due date is? The Heaven on earth response is get the due date. Help your oldest set smart goals. Feed everyone while you talk through the first steps of research, and then sit down and say, “We can do this together.” You just upped blood sugar, lowered the threat burden on the room, maintained peace, and created unity consciousness by creating common humanity by realizing that everyone is tired, and no one wants to think about Regan at six o’clock at night. This is a first step.

The second step is to keep watching your words and feelings. Say, “I’m capable of meeting this challenge,” instead of, “I am always getting the shit jobs.”  If like me, you survived the 80’, you might remember the phrase, “Life’s a bitch and then you die.” If this is your mantra your life will be a bitch and either way you will die. I suggest replacing this idea with, “I am in love with my life and thank God for another day.” Guess what, you really will be in love with your life in a matter of time and gratitude and wonder will fill your days. I’m not a sugar-coating shit vender. If you read my work, you know I’m in a divorce, my grown son is far far away, I have CPTSD, and I’m recreating myself from scratch right now from this keyboard. Bit by bit I find my feet, my feet find my path, and God says, “That’s my girl. The Kingdom of Heaven is within you, and I’ve got your back.” Take it from someone who has seen Hell. Heaven on earth is always the better choice and the company is much improved simply because in choosing the light, you leave behind all those dark hearted assholes that used to bring you down with their incessant negativity.

I love you. Change your thoughts change your world. Be the boss of your inner business. Keep going.

God in a Nutshell…As If!

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I talk a lot about God here. I talk about God because I am a drowning woman holding onto the only hand that has ever reached down and pulled me up. I talk about God because God sent me angels in a home where I was beaten, in a home where I was traumatized, in a home where I was only worth my silence and my servitude.

My first angel wore a blue polka dot dress and a smile that filled me with God light. I was too small to walk so I would crawl up that long flight of hardwood stairs and knock on the upstairs apartment door. One knock and she was there, her elderly face glowing with light, her 50’s era clothes and hair rocking along with her bright red lipstick. I called her Grandma, and she called me hers, raining down such love like I’d never known in human form. And when my mama called and I turned my head to listen, the door would close and Grandma would slip away. I was seven when I understood no one lived in the upstairs apartment when I was small.

I held onto Grandma’s sunshine, her strength, her understanding, her ability to pour love into me. Her residual love kept me going, its purity, its brightness filling my heart when nothing else did. She was my first angel but not my last. God sent me more angels though I didn’t know them as anything but good humans in later years.

God is to the drowning what freedom is to the prisoner, what healing is to the broken, what home is to the destitute. God has no religion but billions of children each precious and loved and held though few are awake enough to feel the support that is all around them. I have needed God all my life. There’s not a day goes by when I don’t ask God to take me home, to set me free, to hold me close so I can remember what it is to rest again in absolute love. But I must wait, am told to be strong, am told that I have a purpose, that I chose this life. So, I listen and work and pray that each day will be a day I can bare.

When I was six, I asked my mother what suicide was. She told me. I asked her, “why doesn’t everyone do it?” I wasn’t born broken but I was born remembering happiness, unconditional love, joy beyond words, and the weightless bliss of belonging. None of those feelings have happened here so I must wait out this life and live it with disciplined purpose and grace for now.

I talk a lot about God because to exclude the one who made all things would be to break the covenant that keeps me in my body. I am here because I and God agreed that there was work to be done. I am still here because I and God love the earth. I am still here because, in some way, I know that my presence on this earth is important. And so is yours my brother, my sister. We live in an incredible time of change where so much is possible.

So, I ask you not for the last time to dig deep, love unconditionally, pray for guidance, listen in your stillness to the whispers of your heart, and come to know the I AM presence that loves you so much it will never let you fail. You are held. You are loved. You have purpose even if you don’t see it. You are love poured into form.

I love you. God loves you. All is as it should be no matter how much it hurts. For some insane reason we’ve got this.

The Dance Between Light and Dark: In Theory

Dance between light and darkThere exists in all of us a potential for light or dark action. All action is energy flowing in reaction to the catalysts that drives us forward in our lives. The question is, do our actions and reactions embrace a light and higher motive or a dark base motive. When a horn honks do we go into rage or do we chose peace, change lanes and avoid the dark hostility that rages behind us. In every moment of everyday we have the opportunity to embrace light and dark choices. Do we confront, argue and fight or do we free, release, and forgive those who would trigger us into likeminded darkness.

Rage, hostility, pain, anger, self-harm and regret are all members of a dark emotional family which feed on one another and anyone who crosses their path. Take one step into anger and you are inches away from pain and regret. Take one step towards forgiveness and you are on your way to healing and joy. As one emotional family sucks you dry another lifts you up and frees you to move forward in life. It’s all a matter of which one you choose.

How do we identify which is the light choice and which is the dark. Light will always feel light in our heart and darkness will always feel heavy like a rock in the stomach. In light action the Ego says little. In dark action the ego says many things. It condemns our failings, our humanity and everything and everyone who crosses our path. When the ego is empowered there is no room for love, friendship and peace because it craves material gain, power and isolation of the individual it haunts.

The ego is darkness in flesh and it prowls around our souls waiting for a bad day, a disappointment, for something to regret. Power is corrupting and the ego loves power, profit is bottomless and the ego will never let you know contentment. Isolation makes you independent of love, of nourishment, of physical touch and the ego loves isolation; for a solitary mind is easily preyed upon. Isolation leads to the end of relationship, the end of love, of communication and of healing. We heal in love, we are understood in communication and we are in love when our energies stream and pour from one heart into another. In love and joy, the ego cannot thrive.

When darkness has won and a soul is lost in self-loathing, addiction and self-harm that soul slips into a darkness so heavy that the light cannot be seen or felt. In reality the light never leaves us. It is all around us asking to be heard, seeking to be seen and loving us whether we know it or not. None of us is ever so lost, fallen or sinful that we cannot be redeemed. Free will has the power to open our eyes to the brightness of a new day, a new life and a new way of living. Every moment of every day we are given the opportunity to forgive, to be forgiven, to be of service, to be of god, to be of hope and light on his earth.

If you’ve fire walked you’ve felt the flames, if you’ve fallen you’ve felt the stones and know how they bruise. We’ve all fallen, we’ve all known pain and we’ve all been given the opportunity and support to rise again and be reborn in a love greater than any we’ve ever known.

Let the white light of the Universe
enfold, protect me
and bathe me in its healing love.
Let this journey be a tool
to bring peace of mind,
love, joy and kindness back to my life.
Cleanse my soul of hurt and bitterness,
resentment, vengeful and judgmental thinking.
Give me balance and serenity
to face each trial with faith,
an open mind, love and kindness.
When I get lost, let the sun shine down
white light to show me the way back
to the path of Love.

A Prayer By Susan H.

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